Cum Laude, But At What Cost?

I don’t know when school stopped being about learning and started feeling like a test I was always about to fail. Maybe it was the third time I skipped dinner to finish a paper, or the night I sat in the library bathroom, hands shaking, because I realized I’d forgotten what day it was. Every syllabus was a threat. Every planner page, a list of ways to disappoint someone—my parents, my professors, myself. I chose classes not because I cared, but because I calculated which ones I could survive. I’d cross out parties, skip birthdays, tell myself I’d make it up to friends later. Later never came. I filled notebooks with perfect notes and my head with the fear of slipping below a 3.7. I turned in every assignment, even when I barely understood the words. I asked for extra credit, not because I wanted to learn more, but because I was terrified of being average. When I finally got the email: “Congratulations, you will graduate cum laude,” I stared at the screen and felt nothing. Not relief. Not pride. Just empty. I’d done everything right, and somewhere along the way, I lost the part of me that cared about anything but the grade. #Education #AcademicBurnout #GPAAnxiety