My Mental health - Call it as you will
It creeps in slowly. I give myself a day to sleep, to take it easy, hoping the fog will lift. The headaches don’t get worse, but they never go away either — just a constant, nagging pain that sits with me. I get things done around the house, things I’ve been wanting to accomplish, things I saved money for… and for a moment I feel proud. I feel a spark of happiness. But it fades quickly, slipping right back into the same heaviness.
I remind myself of all the good around me. I acknowledge that I have a good life, a loving home, a purpose. And yet I still feel empty inside. Insecure in ways that don’t make sense. My mind starts creating fears — that my husband doesn’t love me, that he’s cheating, that he doesn’t care. But every day he shows me the opposite. He comes home, we talk, we laugh, we plan things for the house, we watch movies together. And still, the minute he goes to bed, those thoughts come rushing back.
Then I feel guilty for even thinking that way. He works hard, he provides, he never complains. He’s loving and patient. He tells me to rest when I don’t feel well, he hugs me when I cry out of nowhere, he tells me everything will be okay.
My emotions shift constantly — angry, upset, sad, overwhelmed, tired. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Sometimes my thoughts scramble so fast I can’t catch any of them. Sometimes I feel like I need to do more, and other times I feel like I’m doing too much. I don’t always recognize myself. I feel lost and exhausted inside my own mind.
It shapes itself into every direction, every feeling, every version of me… and I don’t understand why. I have no reason to feel this way. I want to enjoy my life. I know I have a good life. But I feel like I’m drowning in sadness, and I don’t know how to break through the surface.
