I Wrote the Perfect Position Paper. It Broke Me.

I used to think Model UN was just about debate—arguing, winning, making your country look good. But nobody tells you how much it eats at you before you even step into the room. The position paper is supposed to be your foundation, your chance to prove you belong. So I spent nights hunched over my laptop, researching countries I’d never visit, issues I’d never solve, pretending I was an expert when I barely felt like a person. I followed every rule: stick to the agenda, cite your sources, sound like you care. I wrote about poverty and climate change like I had answers, but all I really had was exhaustion. My hands shook when I typed my name at the top—like maybe if I got this right, I’d finally feel like I deserved to be here. I tried to make my country sound strong, tried to make myself sound smart. I kept telling myself that if I could just write the perfect paper, maybe I’d stop feeling like a fraud. But after I hit submit, all I felt was empty. Nobody tells you that the real test isn’t the debate—it’s whether you can keep pretending you’re fine when every part of you is tired. I got compliments on my paper. I didn’t feel proud. I just felt numb. And when the conference ended, I realized I’d spent so much time trying to sound like someone else, I forgot what my own voice sounded like. #Education #AcademicBurnout #ModelUNStruggles