Manifesting My Old Self (And Failing)

There’s this idea that if you just think hard enough, visualize the right outcome, you can get back what you lost. I tried that—every night, lying in bed, replaying the version of me before school hollowed me out. The one who laughed easily, who believed in second chances, who didn’t flinch at the thought of another group project or a text from someone I used to love. I read all the advice: meditate, journal, forgive yourself, let go. I did it all, like homework for a class I never signed up for. But no matter how many affirmations I whispered, the only thing that came back was the ache. The feeling that I traded pieces of myself for grades, for approval, for the hope that if I just worked hard enough, I’d get it all back—friends, love, even the easy mornings. But you can’t manifest away the exhaustion. You can’t positive-think your way out of being changed. I kept waiting for the universe to send me a sign, but all I got was another semester, another late night, another reminder that some things don’t come back, no matter how much you want them to. #AcademicBurnout #CollegeReality #NotJustGrades #Education