I Alphabetized Until I Broke

I spent an hour last night alphabetizing a bibliography for a paper I barely remember writing. Letter by letter, name by name, following rules I could recite in my sleep. Smith, then Sheldon, then Sherry. Hyphens, spaces, articles—skip, skip, skip. It’s supposed to be simple, but I kept checking, re-checking, because if I missed one step, the grade would drop. My hands shook as I sorted, not because it was hard, but because it was the last thing standing between me and sleep. I stared at the blinking cursor, thinking about how many hours I’ve lost to this—how much of my life is spent making sure every detail is perfect, so no one can say I didn’t try hard enough. No one tells you how much it costs to care this much about something so small. I know the rules. I know the order. But I don’t know who I am when I’m not chasing the next correct answer. #AcademicBurnout #CollegeReality #Perfectionism #Education