Addiction. It’s a process. There is no one step method for getting clean. Me, it was methadone, then suboxone, then sublucaid and now, nothing. It took a lot of time to get there but the biggest hurdle and when I knew I was good was being able to turn down offers from people. Before I would always say yes, as long as I wasn’t paying for it, I didn’t give a fuck. And it wasn’t people intending to get me hooked, just people using asking if I wanted any.
There hardest thing about getting clean that no one prepares you for is being able to handle all the emotions that come roaring back after being numb which for me, was years. And me being a natural empath; not only were my emotions roaring back but also the energy of everyone’s emotions around me. It made me understand that was the reason I used in the first place. I was in straight emotional overload, constantly overwhelmed by the energy of other around me.
We naturally think that because we are doing the right thing and living how we’re supposed to live (as if that deserves an award lol) that good things will happen and life doesn’t always work that way. We are not always in control of what we want or who we want and the minute that rejection or conflict arises, the first thought is “but I’m doing everything I am supposed to be doing. This is bullshit. Well, fuck it, I’ll go back to being what everyone already thinks I am.”
THIS IS WRONG!
You are doing everything you are supposed to do in order to be the best version of you, but more importantly, to have the emotional intelligence and energy needed to be able to handle the curveballs life throws at you. It’s being able to recognize opportunities when they arise, be in a position to help others and being accountable. Not just to yourself, but to others, which unfortunately accountability is becoming a forgotten word.
And be honest with yourself and others for it’s the only way people will ever know how you truly feel is if your word means something. Rant over.
