Habits I Can't Break (And What It Cost Me)
I used to think breaking bad habits was just about willpower. Like, if I just wanted it enough, I’d stop biting my nails, or doomscrolling, or skipping meals to finish another assignment.
But the truth is, most of my habits were survival tactics. I started logging every time I caught myself checking my phone in class, or stress-eating chips at 2AM. The notebook filled up fast. I noticed the patterns: always worse after a rejection, or when I was alone in my room, the silence loud enough to make me want to disappear into anything—food, my phone, even work I hated.
People say to get rid of temptation, but how do you avoid your own brain? I tried the tricks: rubber bands, hiding snacks, deleting apps. Sometimes it worked, but mostly it just made me feel like a failure when I slipped. I’d snap the band, feel the sting, and still go back.
I tried replacing habits, too—running, cooking, meditation. But the urge didn’t go away. It just waited. I’d reward myself for a good day, then spiral the next. I asked friends for help, but it’s hard to explain that you’re not just lazy or weak, you’re tired in a way that doesn’t go away with sleep.
I guess what I’m saying is, breaking habits isn’t just about planning or discipline. Sometimes it’s about admitting you’re not okay, and that maybe you need more help than a checklist or a self-help article. I wish someone had told me that before I started blaming myself for every relapse.
#HabitStruggles #MentalHealthMatters #AcademicBurnout #Education
