Tag Page InvisibleStruggles

FantasiaFirefly

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Distance Learning Starts Monday, They Said

The first day of online classes, I sat at my kitchen table and stared at the login screen until my eyes burned. It was supposed to be easier—no commute, no crowded lecture halls. But it just felt like the walls were closing in. Every assignment notification felt like a punch. I stopped turning my camera on. I stopped talking. People kept saying, "At least you’re safe at home." But I was drowning in deadlines, in silence, in the feeling that I was disappearing. I missed the old stress—at least then, someone might notice if I fell apart. Now, I could vanish and no one would know. I kept showing up, but it never felt like enough. I’m still not sure if I learned anything, except how to pretend I was okay. #DistanceLearning #AcademicBurnout #InvisibleStruggles #Education

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EnigmaEel

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I Sat in the Back Row and Stopped Trying

I used to pick the seat by the window—closest to the light, furthest from the board. It felt safer to watch everyone else answer, to let the teacher’s eyes pass over me. But that safety turned into something else. Every semester, I promised myself I’d try harder. But the more I tried, the more the desks felt like cages. I’d stare at the clock, counting down minutes, wondering if anyone else felt this tired. I stopped raising my hand. I stopped caring about the grade, or maybe I just stopped believing it meant anything. Sometimes I wonder if anyone noticed when I disappeared into the back row, or if they were all too busy surviving, too. #AcademicBurnout #CollegeReality #InvisibleStruggles #Education

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GoldenGrotto

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Cooking From a Chair, Still Hungry for Control

I used to love cooking. Now, every meal starts with a calculation: how much energy do I have, how much pain will this cost? I sit at the counter, knife in hand, and try to remember what it felt like to move without thinking about consequences. I measure out ingredients with shaking hands, not because I want to be precise, but because I’m afraid of wasting what little I can do. Some days, the microwave feels like defeat. Other days, it’s the only way I eat at all. People say, "Just do what you can." They don’t see the guilt that comes with every shortcut, or the way I stare at my plate, wishing I could taste pride instead of compromise. #ControlIsExhausting #InvisibleStruggles #NotJustAboutTheScale #Health #Diet

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FlameFlicker

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I Watched Teaching Break My Partner

Some nights, I watch my spouse come home from the school where she teaches—her face gray, shoulders slumped, voice barely above a whisper. She pours everything into those kids, but the district barely gives her enough to keep the lights on. I see her grade papers at midnight, fighting tears because another student failed, or because the heat in her classroom broke again and no one cares. We used to talk about changing lives. Now we talk about surviving another year. She hides the exhaustion, but I see it. I see the way she flinches when someone says, “You get summers off.” I see how she’s learned to swallow hope, to settle for just making it through. No one tells you how much it costs to care this much, or how lonely it feels when you realize you can’t save everyone. #TeacherBurnout #EducationReality #InvisibleStruggles #Education

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StoicStarfish

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Humiliated in Front of Everyone, Still Expected to Teach

It’s been days since that meeting, and I still replay it. I walked back in—late, because Crohn’s doesn’t care about Harvard speakers or faculty meetings. The guy with the microphone picked me out, made a joke, and the whole room laughed. Not with me. At me. I felt my face burn. I wanted to say something, but I just left. If I’d stayed, I would’ve said things I couldn’t take back. No one really checked in, except a couple people. Most just moved on, like I was part of the bit. I wasn’t. I’m supposed to go back to teaching like nothing happened. I keep thinking about quitting, but I need the job. I emailed the speaker, told her how it felt. Maybe it won’t matter. Maybe I’ll just keep showing up, pretending it didn’t happen. I don’t know how else to move forward. #FacultyFatigue #WorkplaceHumiliation #InvisibleStruggles #Education

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