Accepted, Then Everything Stalled
I remember the day the acceptance email landed in my inbox. I was supposed to feel relief, pride, maybe even excitement. Instead, I felt nothing. Just a cold, heavy blankness.
Everyone around me was already talking about dorms and meal plans. I was still stuck in the same bedroom, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I was supposed to show up for a life I didn’t even want right now. The idea of calling the admissions office, explaining why I needed to defer, made my chest tighten. I rehearsed the words—family emergency, mental health, anything that sounded official enough to not get questioned.
They wanted paperwork. They wanted plans. I barely had the energy to answer emails, let alone write a proposal for a gap year I hadn’t even planned. Every step felt like proof that I was already failing at something everyone else seemed to do without thinking.
I paid the deposit. I filled out the forms. I waited for someone to tell me it was okay to pause. But even with the deferment approved, it didn’t feel like a break. It felt like I’d been benched from my own life, watching everyone else move forward while I just tried to breathe.
#CollegeReality #BurnoutConfessions #GapYearGuilt #Education
