Standing at the Podium, Falling Apart

I used to think public speaking was just about nerves. You get up, you shake, you survive. But no one talks about the hours before, when you’re hunched over a laptop at 3AM, rewriting the same opening line because nothing sounds smart enough. Or how you rehearse in the mirror, hating the way your voice trembles, the way your hands won’t stop fidgeting. They say, "Know your audience." But what if you don’t even know yourself? I spent so much time trying to sound impressive that I forgot what I actually wanted to say. Every tip—make eye contact, smile, use a quote—felt like another mask to wear. I wrote my speech out word for word, terrified I’d blank, and still, the words felt like they belonged to someone else. On the day, I dressed up, checked my slides, did everything right. But standing there, all I could think about was how much I wanted to disappear. My voice echoed in the room, but I couldn’t hear myself. I finished, people clapped, and I felt nothing but relief that it was over. Not pride. Not growth. Just empty, and so, so tired. #AcademicPressure #ImposterSyndrome #CampusConfessions #Education