I Faked Being a Food Inspector for Perks 🍰

Dear Past Me, You thought solo dining in a new city would be liberating? 😂 Babe, you sat there in your sad little blazer, post-rejection interview, trying not to cry into your overpriced pasta. But then magic happened—extra food, a free dessert, staff actually caring?? Girl, you looked like a secret shopper and didn’t even know it. So I leaned in. Bought a clipboard. Scribbled nonsense like “ambiance = warm but could use lemon water.” Instant VIP treatment. They’re all scrambling like Gordon Ramsay just walked in. Yes, I know it’s unhinged. No, I can’t stop. I’m addicted to the lie AND the tiramisu. Am I morally bankrupt? Probably. But I haven’t paid for a full drink in weeks. Just don’t ask me what happens when they call my “agency.” Spoiler: I panic and speed-walk into the night. 🏃‍♀️💨 —Love, The Clipboard Fraud Queen #SorryNotSorry #FakeItTillYouFeast